Managing Friends and Family
When your child is in hospital you are likely to receive a lot of interest from friends and family members. Most of them will be genuinely keen to support you, but being in hospital can be very stressful and even the most well-intentioned person can become unwelcome at times. Establishing clear boundaries that work for you is essential.
If they are very keen, send them our ‘I want to help a parent or carer in hospital’ page, which has lots of tips for them!
- When you are in hospital you are in a bubble. Think hard about who you want to bring into that bubble. Are they going to support you and your child, or will they make things more difficult? As a parent, you have complete control over who can visit your child. Use it.
- Think about how you want to share information. Do you want to update everyone yourself? Would you rather tell a couple of friends or family members and have them update everyone? Would you rather post updates on social media? If so, is there anyone you want to tell in advance of those updates? Establishing a process for updating people early on will help you manage interest and enquiries the way you want – and should make life less stressful.
- If people offer to help, give them something to do that will help you, even if it’s something very simple. If you don’t, there is the risk that they will decide to do something which they think is helpful but you find frustrating or annoying. Can they pick up your other children from school? Can they do some laundry or a bit of cleaning? Can they send you some food – or order you a takeaway? Could they come to the hospital and take you out for a coffee (or a glass of wine)? Could they pop round and feed your pets or water your plants?
- If you have friends or family members who are medical professionals, they may want to tell you what they know about your child’s condition, hospital or medical team. You may find this helpful. However, it is absolutely appropriate to tell them you are only discussing medical details with your child’s medical team.
You do not have to justify your boundaries. You are making the best decisions for your child, your family and yourself.
Friendships with Medical Professionals
If you have regular visits to hospital, or you are in hospital for a long time, you may find that you become friendly with some of the medical professionals caring for your child. However, it is also important to maintain boundaries with them. People who work with children are often compassionate, empathetic and caring. Getting to know patients and families is an important part of the job. But children and their families rely on their medical professionals to make difficult decisions about their treatment.
Medical professionals often want to support the children their care for, and their families. There are boundary-appropriate ways of doing this. These can include:
- Giving a hug (with consent)
- Sharing brief personal details or stories to show empathy, offer encouragement, or lighten the mood
- Getting to know you, the patient’s siblings and their friends
- Asking personal details to motivate the patient and develop trust
- Providing small gifts such as stickers
Some behaviours are clearly inappropriate:
- Romantic or sexual relationships
- Financial manipulation
- Asking for help or venting about personal problems
- Pressure to support certain political, lifestyle, or religious views
It is always the medical professional’s responsibility to maintain boundaries. It is not your responsibility – but you always have the right to set your own boundaries, and decide what is appropriate for you and your child.
If you feel that a medical professional has crossed the line into inappropriate behavior, or made you feel uncomfortable, you can raise this in the same way as Making a Complaint.
