Top Tips
Hello – and thank you for wanting to find out more about how you can support your friend or family member. Having a child in hospital can be an intensely stressful experience for parents/carers, and your behaviour can have an impact on making a bad situation better – or worse.
Confident Conversations has developed the ‘circle of support’ theory for children in hospital.
Hello – and thank you for wanting to find out more about how you can support your friend or family member. Having a child in hospital can be an intensely stressful experience for parents/carers, and your behaviour can have an impact on making a bad situation better – or worse.
Confident Conversations has developed the ‘circle of support’ theory for children in hospital.
At the centre is the child in hospital. In the next ring are their parents/carers, then immediate family, close family and friends and so on as the circles get bigger. Each circle supports the next one in so that those closest to the centre get the maximum amount of support. Critically, support only flows one way – into the centre. It does not flow back out.
At the centre is the child in hospital. In the next ring are their parents/carers, then immediate family, close family and friends and so on as the circles get bigger. Each circle supports the next one in so that those closest to the centre get the maximum amount of support. Critically, support only flows one way – into the centre. It does not flow back out.
Top Tips
- Respect friend or family member’s wishes and boundaries. If they choose to share information with you, don’t share information more widely without checking with them first. If they don’t want you to share the information, do not. Do not push for information or more details. Your friend or family member will share what they feel comfortable sharing, when they feel comfortable doing so. Pushing them will only add to their stress. If you know the family very well, you could offer to be the contact point for all enquiries about the child in hospital.
- Also, respect their wishes on hospital visits. You may be very keen to see your friend or family member, and their child in hospital. However, a hospital visit can be stressful for everyone and it needs to be planned. Never ‘drop by’ a hospital unexpectedly.
- Don’t force help on your friend or family member. Ask them what they want and only offer ideas if they have none. Respect their decisions, particularly if they refuse your offer of help. Their decisions may seem odd to you or not what you would do, but they know their own situation best.
- If your friend or family member accepts your offer of help, do what you say you will do and let them know once you have done it. Do not expect praise or thanks for your help. Many parents and carers in hospital do not have the emotional capacity to say thank you for every bit of support they receive.
- Don’t search online and share random information about the child’s condition. Your friend or family member will be speaking to medical professionals regularly and additional information is more likely to upset or worry them.
- Don’t share platitudes like “everything happens for a reason” or “I’m sure it’ll all be ok”. They are unfounded and can make parents and carers more stressed. Don’t offer religious support (e.g. offering to pray for them) unless you know they will welcome it.
- Don’t compare yourself to them, unless it is genuinely comparable (e.g. minor surgery for a tooth extraction is not the same as open heart surgery). Phrases like “I don’t know how you do it, I don’t think I could” can be very demotivating. They don’t have a choice and you’re just reminding them how hard their situation is.
- Keep including them – many parents/carers find that people back away, afraid of the situation. This makes parents/carers feel even more isolated and alone. You might feel like your news is trivial compared to what they’re going through but most parents/carers want to feel as normal as possible and may appreciate the distraction.
- Make an extra fuss of your friend or family member if they are in hospital over a significant day, e.g. a birthday, Christmas, Eid.
- Respect friend or family member’s wishes and boundaries. If they choose to share information with you, don’t share information more widely without checking with them first. If they don’t want you to share the information, do not. Do not push for information or more details. Your friend or family member will share what they feel comfortable sharing, when they feel comfortable doing so. Pushing them will only add to their stress. If you know the family very well, you could offer to be the contact point for all enquiries about the child in hospital.
- Also, respect their wishes on hospital visits. You may be very keen to see your friend or family member, and their child in hospital. However, a hospital visit can be stressful for everyone and it needs to be planned. Never ‘drop by’ a hospital unexpectedly.
- Don’t force help on your friend or family member. Ask them what they want and only offer ideas if they have none. Respect their decisions, particularly if they refuse your offer of help. Their decisions may seem odd to you or not what you would do, but they know their own situation best.
- If your friend or family member accepts your offer of help, do what you say you will do and let them know once you have done it. Do not expect praise or thanks for your help. Many parents and carers in hospital do not have the emotional capacity to say thank you for every bit of support they receive.
- Don’t search online and share random information about the child’s condition. Your friend or family member will be speaking to medical professionals regularly and additional information is more likely to upset or worry them.
- Don’t share platitudes like “everything happens for a reason” or “I’m sure it’ll all be ok”. They are unfounded and can make parents and carers more stressed. Don’t offer religious support (e.g. offering to pray for them) unless you know they will welcome it.
- Don’t compare yourself to them, unless it is genuinely comparable (e.g. minor surgery for a tooth extraction is not the same as open heart surgery). Phrases like “I don’t know how you do it, I don’t think I could” can be very demotivating. They don’t have a choice and you’re just reminding them how hard their situation is.
- Keep including them – many parents/carers find that people back away, afraid of the situation. This makes parents/carers feel even more isolated and alone. You might feel like your news is trivial compared to what they’re going through but most parents/carers want to feel as normal as possible and may appreciate the distraction.
- Make an extra fuss of your friend or family member if they are in hospital over a significant day, e.g. a birthday, Christmas, Eid.
So what can I do to help?
So what can I do to help?
If your friend or family member has no idea what you can do to help, we recommend offering something from the following list as appropriate:
- Cook them a meal
- Do a load of laundry
- Buy them necessary groceries/do their weekly shop
- Feed/walk their pets
- Water their plants
- Free childcare
- Taking them out for a coffee, drink or meal while they’re in hospital
- A listening ear on the phone or in person
- If you know the child well, offer to spend time with them in hospital so your friend or family member can get a break.
You can also send a ‘care package’ to a friend or family member, addressed to them c/o the ward their child is on. You could include:
- Handwritten card with a supportive message
- Hand cream
- Chocolate or other sweet treat
- Magazine
- Gift card to a coffee shop or cafe in walking distance of the hospital
- Toiletry gift set
If your friend or family member has no idea what you can do to help, we recommend offering something from the following list as appropriate:
- Cook them a meal
- Do a load of laundry
- Buy them necessary groceries/do their weekly shop
- Feed/walk their pets
- Water their plants
- Free childcare
- Taking them out for a coffee, drink or meal while they’re in hospital
- A listening ear on the phone or in person
- If you know the child well, offer to spend time with them in hospital so your friend or family member can get a break.
You can also send a ‘care package’ to a friend or family member, addressed to them c/o the ward their child is on. You could include:
- Handwritten card with a supportive message
- Hand cream
- Chocolate or other sweet treat
- Magazine
- Gift card to a coffee shop or cafe in walking distance of the hospital
- Toiletry gift set
Privacy Policy
Disclaimer
Charity Registration No.: 1195742